Dear God, I don't want twins

 

It's always cute to look at these creatures but they're best admired from distance. Dey your dey guys. (Photo credit: Google)

I’m not writing about hymns today; I’m stressed and I want to rant. In all you do, think about it twice before you ask for twins. I get the part where you feel good for having a set of twins but have you ever thought of the challenges that come with raising one?

I can advise you from today till tomorrow, I know your coconut head will still ask God to give you twins, I hope you get what you wish for and when they come in their full regalia, remember to delete me from the list of people you want to call to rant to because I will drag you.

So, my own sisters have decided to do wedding like carnival. Let’s forget the part where their money is not even involved in the entire plan, let’s focus on the stress of having to hand two girls out in marriage on the same day and, guess who their father is? Yours truly!

Meanwhile, I know many people like to be annoying and I will match you at that level. If after reading this, you enter my DM with “God will give you twins”, I will swear for you before blocking you danu danu. I’ll be happy to have you try me in that regard. Thank you.

Don’t be mistaken, I’m grateful for the honor but not for the rigors. The hours on the phone resolving differences; one always wants to invite Michael Jackson if he was alive and the other would rather be modest, please how do you reach a middle ground with these kinda people?

Where do I even want to start from? Negotiating with two families of different orientation was a challenge on its own and then my own girls with different ideologies steady throwing in fresh drama every damn day – well, they inherited the drama from their mother tho but let’s keep going.

Dear God, I want two daughters but let them come one by one. I DO NOT WANT TWINS; not like I’m shouting on you but I’m just emphasizing so the angel in charge doesn’t tell me he cannot read. Also remember, two female daughters. Na beg I dey beg.

This is an official invitation to you, my esteemed reader to my sisters’ wedding next weekend in Ibadan. I will be happy to have you and I promise you two wraps of amala each and a bottle of your favorite drink. You have to reach out to me to reserve your seat tho. Thank you and lemme go and rest. I’m worn out.