Happy birthday daddy, sleep on my Gee

 

I miss you daddy, I hope this gets to you. If it does, say a prayer for me and give me the strength to continue living without your physical presence. (Photo credit: Google)

Dear Daddy,

I felt you around last night, it felt different from the last time. I guess you were proud of how I handled things recently, I know you looked forward to reading from me all along but bro, it was difficult.

I cried like a baby, I enjoyed it because no one was there to interrupt my grief. No one will ever understand what the hole you left means to me, I'm still hurting and I won't pretend like it's fine. My fingers are quaking as I type this but daddy... I will be fine.

It’s your birthday today and I honestly don’t know how it works at your end. Do they share cakes or mocktails? Or does the act of Jesus at that famous wedding apply? I mean do they allow wines and red cups? I won’t be surprised if the trumpet thing happened, you really don’t like noise, I hope the stubborn Angel Michael didn’t over-do things…

It’s more about you today than anyone else. Been afraid of opening your Facebook page; I know folks would drop messages for you, some wouldn’t even know you left and many would find out from your wall today. I miss you beyond words and I’m sure you know it.

I’ve been on my best behavior since you left, maybe not exactly but I’ve tried to make sure no one reminds me of you when I do something, that wouldn’t be fair on you. I’ve tried to live, to the fullest as you’ve always preached it but with certain levels of decency.

Again, it’s not about me but it hasn’t been the same without you. You left at a time I probably needed your guidance more but, in all honesty, there will never be a good time to experience such epic loss. It’s a different kind of pain and the best I can do is to act like everything is fine.

Daddy, been meaning to ask you this personal question: Did you take your phone along with you? It hasn’t come on since Kenny gave it to me a day after you passed, no be juju be that? Your trouser that I amended to fit my frame is still intact but dem stylists will tell me it doesn’t go with many things.

Speaking of stylist, the bird of many colors that you knew of seemed to have flown out, you taught me to allow people to be free, to allow them to fly but does that apply to this context? I don’t know how you’d get to see this daddy but let whoever you send to pick this up leave a message behind.

The walls are talking but their language is foreign, to my ears and to my understanding; you know I’m not that weak but I’ve learned to choose my battles, next time you’re passing a message daddy, kindly send an interpreter… Oh, to think I used to be one.

Speaking of that again, my heart isn’t very close to the church you always wanted anymore and it has absolutely nothing to do with distractions or the activation of a certain weakness. I tried to stick around but it just isn’t working, hope you understand. I’m still not married and maybe I’ll never be; again, I hope you understand.

I know you have questions, come around tonight in my sleep. Not like I’m telling you what to do but I bet you missed clearing me on some fronts, a lot must have changed about how you handle such now, e no easy to dey chill with Jesus, not Gabriel. You’ll read from me again on the 10^th of October, mhen… 2019 edition of that date was harrowing, that was the day you left.

When the stars come out tonight, I will think about you daddy. I’ll think about the days you shielded me and made people jealous of me. How you provided everything and made it seem like you were Dangote, also how you didn’t encourage me in the kitchen, that part is why some people drag me today and Labule charging me premium for basic meals… I miss you daddy, sad I can’t say “see you soon”.

I'm still hurting.

Ramsey