For Rambo, it's a year of big decision

Welcome to 2026, I hope it brings us all the best of our heart desires. 

That familiar January gragra is in the air; the motivational quotes, the fake discipline, the spiritual enthusiasm that expires by Week Two. But relax, I’m not here to make promises. Not even to myself. I won’t be here as consistently as I should, but I also don’t plan on washing my dirty boxers this year, so by default, I’ll be here more than I was last year. Progress is progress.

Let me speak in the language of the streets: “Last year was a rollercoaster.”
LOL. Nonsense and Manchester City. Every year is a rollercoaster for you people, as if life ever promised to be a straight road. Even Dangote once burst into tears when Tinubu pressed his neck, so please, who are you again?

Welcome to 2026. We will have fun. It will speak better things for me. I will break boundaries, test new waters, and challenge myself more. I will read more books, visit new places, and buy myself a gift every month, because nobody deserves me like me. I will also be flaunting the gifts, anticipate this.

Important announcement: I will not be answering any question I highlighted in my last post in this one. There is nothing you can do about it. I don’t even remember some of them again. That chapter is closed. We move on. I somehow didn't mention my ever-reliable friend - Joy in my last post and guess who touched base to ask why... Joy!

Ah, New Year resolutions. Memories. I will go first LMAO.
There was a year I swore I wouldn’t speak pidgin all year. Just one problem; at 7am on January 1st, Charles knocked to say they had restored power. Guess the language I used to reply his pidgin greeting? Exactly. Hypocrisy doesn’t even warm up.

For the fourth straight year, I’m doing No-Alcohol January. This is not a resolution; it’s damage control. December is always filthy, spiritually and socially. The responsible thing is to have a Hypo January. So yes, we go again, sober start, clear head, reduced regrets.

Temptation, however, came aggressively. Get behind me Debo, Eze and my neighbor's husband.
My neighbour welcomed a baby boy. I had promised to shut down the street when he arrived. We waited all December, but the baby said he wasn’t doing 2025 with us.
He arrived in the early hours of 2026. I screamed twice; once for joy, and once for controlled anguish, because I wouldn’t be joining the celebration. I’ll wait till February 1st to compensate. That day is also Lateef’s birthday. Alcohol and I will reconcile publicly.

This year is significant for me. One major achievement; my siblings doing great things in no man's land and ultimately, good health.
2025 taught me discipline in areas I previously avoided like a bad Lagos road. I think I’m ready now. I know it won’t be easy, but if I wanted easy, I’d be doing New Year affirmations on Instagram.

Again, I will not be taking questions. Now I finally understand why some of you wrote JAMB multiple times. The instruction was simple - don’t ask questions. Yet, my DMs were flooded with nonsense. Don’t worry. I’m taking notes. I'm looking at all of you, especially the one who makes fine shoes in Abeokuta. Small-breasted people and coconut head.

I will not be going to the cinema this year. No long story. It’s stressful. This is not about access to premieres or entitlement. I’ll wait for streaming platforms like a responsible adult. If I miss your premiere, forgive me in advance.

AMVCA? I don’t think I’m winning this year. Lisabi: A Legend Is Born might secure quality nominations if my faves submit it, but personally, I’m in a preparation year. 2026 is rehearsal. 2027 is execution. Dear Fareedah, you have work to do, be ready for it.

Awards? Three came last year. Now I understand Ronaldo and Messi a bit. Once upon a time, it was the holy grail. Now? I want more. There’s a deeper conversation here, but not today. Let’s respect the calendar. 

This won’t be as long as the last post.
I’m giving side-eye to all the “New Year, New Me” people. Amazing how the wrapper is new, but the content is still factory default. I’m tempted to talk about a certain person texting me, but no; we don’t gossip here. We archive.

I need to improve my music playlist.
I refuse to let Tayo and Demola insult me this year. That said, Dwin The Stoic and my Afro-Adura genre remain non-negotiable. I’ll add some indie artists for balance, even if it makes the playlist bipolar. It is what it is.

I also want to sleep more this year.
And when I say sleep, I don’t mean with pills or that thing George, Adun, and the small-teeth HR like. God, I’m so irritating. Why am I like this? Hehehe.

Happy New Year, everyone. This is just me spreading my dirty boxers for public viewing. Manchester City dropped points yesterday, may it continue. This season, that bald philosopher Pep Guardiola will learn what it means to chase in vain.

Arsenal will win the Premier League this year. I will throw a party. Book your spot now. It will be loud, unreasonable, and unnecessary; just how celebrations should be. As an Arsenal fan, I have waited for over 20 years for that day, it will come this year, in May and probably compensate for the AMVCA I won't be winning.

Of course, wardrobe to get bigger. I have three hip flasks, none of them will be seen until February 1st at the earliest. I will be gifting some people randomly this year. Be of good behavior so you can be among the recipients. Not a bad time to also remind myself to drink more water than I did last year.

I’m making a big decision this year. I’m excited for myself.
What are you excited about?

Before I go, Gbemi Oni-Alfred is a goat.
I’ve never seen an Amaka like her, but she’s still my third favourite lawyer. I can’t believe Eva has climbed above her, but life happens. Speaking of Eva… you know how you can’t throw a bone away because there’s still meat on it?

God of my fathers, grant me patience with Azeezat. I pray for the courage to never return to everything that spiked my blood pressure in 2025, help me to find joy in everything I do and forgive me in advance for the days I'll miss my steps. Fresh ideas, new innovations and discernment to know who to hug and who to deck.

I’ll be back.